LaVante' Dorsey

Dear Delaware: It’s Time to Get Real About Teen Mental Health—Let’s Talk Assemblies!

Tue, 10 Sep 2024 16:00:01 GMT

Our Teens Need Us!

Hey there, Delaware school officials and awesome parents! Can we take a moment to talk about something super important? No, not the latest TikTok trend (though that’s a close second). I’m talking about teen mental health. Yup, the thing that’s been on everyone’s minds but sometimes gets pushed to the back burner like last week’s homework. But here’s the deal: our teens need us now more than ever, and it’s time to step up in a big way. How? By bringing mental health awareness front and center—starting with a mental health assembly in every school. Ready to dive in? Let’s do this!

Why Teen Mental Health Needs to Be on Your Radar

First off, let’s get real. Being a teenager is tough. Remember those awkward years? Now, add the pressure of social media, academic stress, peer pressure, and a global pandemic, and you’ve got the perfect storm for mental health challenges. The stats don’t lie: more teens are reporting feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness than ever before. But guess what? Talking about it openly is the first step toward helping them cope.

Fact: Did you know that teens who feel supported and understood are more likely to succeed academically and socially? It’s true! Mental health is directly linked to how well students perform in school and interact with their peers. So, by addressing mental health, we’re not just helping teens—we’re creating a healthier, happier school environment overall.

Assemblies: The Fun, Impactful Way to Start the Conversation

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Assemblies? Aren’t those just for pep rallies and guest speakers?” Think again! A mental health assembly can be just as engaging—if not more so—than any sports event. Imagine this: a dynamic, interactive session where students learn about mental health in a way that’s relatable, non-judgmental, and, dare I say it, fun!

What These Assemblies Could Look Like

1. Real Talk with Real People: Bring in mental health professionals who know how to connect with teens—think therapists, counselors, or even young adults who’ve been through similar struggles. Let them share stories, tips, and advice that hit home.

2. Interactive Q&A Sessions: Give students the chance to ask questions anonymously. Sometimes, it’s easier to write down a tough question than to ask it out loud. This way, they get answers without feeling put on the spot.

3. Peer-to-Peer Support: Include segments where older students or peer leaders talk about their experiences with mental health. Teens are more likely to listen to their peers, especially when they see they’re not alone in what they’re feeling.

4. Resource Round-Up: Make sure students leave the assembly with tangible resources—whether it’s contact info for school counselors, links to helpful websites, or even a handout on coping strategies.

Bonus: Why not add a bit of flair with some fun giveaways? Think stress balls, journals, or even “mental health matters” swag that students can take home as a reminder of what they learned.

Parents, This Is Where You Come In!

School officials can do a lot, but the conversation doesn’t end when the assembly does. Parents, your role is just as crucial. After the assembly, keep the discussion going at home. Ask your teens what they thought, what they learned, and how they’re feeling. And here’s the kicker: listen without judgment. Your openness will make them feel safe to share.

Tip for Parents: Create a “mental health check-in” routine. It could be as simple as a weekly chat over ice cream, where you ask your teen how they’re doing—no phones, no distractions, just good old-fashioned talking.

The Time to Act Is Now

Delaware, our teens are counting on us. A mental health assembly isn’t just a one-time event; it’s the spark that could ignite a culture of openness, understanding, and support within our schools. Let’s make mental health a priority, not just a buzzword. By working together—school officials, parents, and the community—we can make sure our teens have the tools and support they need to navigate these challenging years with confidence.

So, what do you say? Ready to bring some fun, and life-changing mental health assemblies to a school near you? Let’s get this movement started—our teens deserve it!

Email Us Today to Discuss an Assembly at Your School: ladorsey@lavantedorsey.com

5 Fun and Fabulous Self-Care Tips for Women Who Do It All

Sat, 24 Aug 2024 17:10:38 GMT

Hey, wonder woman! Yes, you—the one juggling work, family, friendships, and everything in between. It’s time to talk about something super important: self-care. Now, before you roll your eyes and think, "Ugh, another article telling me to take bubble baths," hold up! We're taking self-care to a whole new level. Get ready to dive into fun, spunky, and totally do-able ways to treat yourself like the queen you are!

1. Dance Like Nobody’s Watching (Literally!)

When was the last time you cranked up your favorite jam and just let loose? Dancing is not only a killer workout, but it’s also a fantastic way to shake off stress. Whether you’re a secret Beyoncé in the kitchen or you prefer the privacy of your bedroom, give yourself permission to dance like nobody’s watching. Trust me, it’s impossible not to smile when you’re busting a move to your favorite 90s hit or the latest pop anthem.

Tip: Create a “Feel-Good Dance Party” playlist filled with songs that make you want to get up and groove. Play it whenever you need a quick pick-me-up.

2. Indulge in a Guilty Pleasure Book (Or Three)

We all have that one book (or maybe a whole stack) that we’re dying to read but never seem to have the time for. Well, guess what? It’s time to make time! Curling up with a good book is like giving your brain a mini-vacation. Whether it’s a steamy romance, a laugh-out-loud comedy, or a page-turning thriller, losing yourself in a good story is one of the best ways to unwind.

Tip: Turn your reading time into a mini-escape. Make a cozy reading nook with blankets, pillows, and your favorite snack. Bonus points if you wear fuzzy socks!

3. Get Your Glam On – Just Because

Who says you need a special occasion to get all dolled up? Sometimes, putting on a swipe of lipstick, styling your hair, or wearing that outfit you love can totally transform your mood. So go ahead, play with makeup, try that bold eyeshadow, or put on a dress that makes you feel like a million bucks. Do it for YOU, not because you have somewhere to be.

Make it a “Dress-Up Day” once a week where you try a new look. Snap a selfie just to remind yourself how fabulous you are!

4. Take Yourself on a Date

Why wait for someone else to treat you when you can treat yourself? Taking yourself out on a date is the ultimate act of self-love. Whether it’s grabbing a latte at that cute café, going to a movie solo (yes, it’s super fun!), or strolling through a museum, doing something you love, by yourself, can be incredibly empowering.

Tip: Pick a place you’ve always wanted to try and make it your solo adventure spot. You might just find that you enjoy your own company more than you thought!

5. Get Crafty with a DIY Project

There’s something so satisfying about making something with your own two hands. Whether it’s painting, knitting, scrapbooking, or even building a piece of furniture, getting crafty is a great way to de-stress and let your creativity shine. Plus, you’ll end up with something tangible that you can be proud of!

Tip: Start a craft night with your girlfriends—virtually or in person. Wine, snacks, and creativity make for the perfect self-care combo!

Wrapping It Up

Self-care doesn’t have to be boring or time-consuming. It’s about finding those little moments that make you smile, laugh, and feel good about yourself. So go ahead, try one (or all) of these spunky self-care tips, and remember—taking care of yourself is the best way to keep shining brightly in everything you do. Now, go out there and rock your self-care routine like the superstar you are!

Setting Boundaries Like a Boss: A Guide for Women

dorsey.lavante@gmail.com (LaVante' Dorsey) — Sat, 24 Aug 2024 16:48:24 GMT

Ladies, it’s time to talk about something we all need but often struggle with: boundaries. Those magical, invisible lines that protect our peace, energy, and sanity. Setting boundaries isn’t just for keeping out the negative vibes—it’s about creating space for more of what we love. Here’s how to set boundaries like a boss without losing your sparkle.

1. Say “No” Without the Guilt

Saying “no” can feel as awkward as dancing in public. But here’s the deal—every time you say “yes” to something you don’t want to do, you’re saying “no” to something that actually matters to you. The key is to make “no” your power word, not your panic button.

Tip: Practice saying “no” in front of the mirror with different tones—firm, playful, or even with a wink! Make it your new mantra: “No is a complete sentence.” It’ll start to feel empowering rather than intimidating.

2. Create a “Me-Time” Zone

Ever notice how your phone rings, or someone needs “just a minute” the second you try to unwind? That’s why a sacred “Me-Time” zone is essential. Whether it’s your bedroom, a cozy corner, or even your car, claim a space where interruptions are off-limits.

Tip: Decorate your Me-Time zone with things that make you happy—a scented candle, your favorite throw blanket, or a sign that says, “Do Not Disturb: Recharging in Progress.” When you’re in your zone, you’re off-limits. Period.

3. Ditch the Drama Detours

We all have that one friend or coworker who’s constantly surrounded by drama. Setting boundaries with drama queens (and kings) is all about protecting your peace. Politely steer clear of the chaos and save your energy for the things that truly matter.

Tip: Have a go-to phrase ready for when drama tries to drag you in. Something like, “I’m choosing to focus on the positive right now, let’s talk about something uplifting!”

4. The Art of the Digital Detox

Raise your hand if you’ve ever lost hours to mindless scrolling. ��‍♀️ We’ve all been there. Setting digital boundaries is crucial for maintaining your mental health and reclaiming your time. Start by setting specific times for checking social media and emails—outside of those windows, you’re living life unplugged!

Tip: Create a “No-Tech Hour” each day where you disconnect from all screens. Use that time to read, take a walk, or catch up with a friend IRL. Bonus points if you can get your squad to join you in this tech-free challenge!

5. Master the Magic of “I’ll Think About It”

Ever feel pressured to make a decision on the spot? Whether it’s agreeing to a last-minute favor or committing to a weekend plan, it’s okay to hit pause. “I’ll think about it” is your secret weapon for buying time and ensuring that your decisions align with your priorities.

Tip: The next time someone asks you to do something and you’re not sure, smile and say, “I’ll think about it and get back to you!” This gives you the space to consider whether it’s something you truly want to do, without the pressure of an immediate yes.

6. Protect Your Energy Like a Queen

Your energy is precious—treat it like the treasure it is! Start recognizing what (and who) drains you and set firm boundaries to protect your vibe. This might mean limiting time with certain people, saying no to extra tasks at work, or simply prioritizing activities that recharge you.

Tip: Visualize your energy as a force field that only lets in good vibes. When someone tries to drain your energy, picture your force field lighting up and blocking out the negativity. It’s a playful way to keep your inner light shining bright!

Wrapping It Up

Setting boundaries isn’t about building walls—it’s about creating healthy fences that let the good in and keep the bad out. With these tips, you’ll be setting boundaries like a boss in no time, all while keeping your sparkle intact. Protect your peace, and remember: you’re not just worth it, you’re priceless!

Interested in setting up a therapy session to further discuss boundaries? Click book now on our website.

Bed Rest

Tue, 26 Sep 2023 18:20:57 GMT

Do we really know how to relax?

I am a 36-year-old mother of a 1-year-old…and I am on bed rest. Yikes! Let me not be too dramatic lol. I tore my ACL in 2020 playing basketball, winning might I add. My first doctor appeared to exhibit ageism and weightism in not wanting to operate on my ACL. I still for the life of me can’t figure out why I did not get a second opinion at the time, but in 2023 I finally did and had surgery to repair my ACL September 14th. First giving honor to God, who blessed the surgeon’s hands and my leg to have minimal pain as I am going through the healing process.

I remember reality hitting the week before surgery. How will I get upstairs, cook, bathe, run after, and be the hero for my 1-year-old? Anxiety began to creep in with the hardest realization being that I would have to depend on others for help.

The kicker here is I have a phenomenal support system that will do absolutely anything. I can’t even begin to share the 50 million texts and calls I received of those wanting to lend a hand. The problem wasn’t my support system, it was me! Me, me, me, me, me.

I have taken great pride in being independent, getting “ish” done, holding my own. However, I have found myself in a season of recognizing that support is imperative to my success in every area of life. I lay in bed fighting off negative emotions that the hustle culture has created in me. “You should be doing this and executing on this.” I lay in bed totally sitting in the relaxation I have craved for so long, the silent time, but at the same time not recognizing it. Woo lawd is that jacked up or what?

I say all that to hopefully convey that allowing those around you to help is truly a gift. To also consider that maybe this heavy chasing after goals without taking moments to “smell the roses” really isn’t the life I or you want. Just something to consider.

To my support team, thank you a million times over!

A Gift from a Friend

Fri, 25 Aug 2023 19:41:37 GMT

"Anxiety is something that is part of me but it's not who I am." -Emma Stone

I really didn’t know what was going on, my chest was tight, I could not catch my breath, I was gasping for air, yearning to just take a deep breath. Yeah, I said it! Yearning! Well wait, I was very aware of what was going on as this was not the first time. Anxiety! Today it was kicking my butt. It did not have to do me like that! Usually, I am a pro at multi-tasking and tackling my to do list, the anxiety was so bad I hated when a new email or text came. You see these anxiety attacks as I will call them came about in my grown woman years. Usually, I would sit and take the time to dump my brain and really figure out what was bothering me, stressing me, running around my mind. Today, and the next two days it would not let up even with my best coping skills. I listened to music, watched my favorite shows, drank water, made a list of tasks to do, cleaned, laughed, tried to cry (the tears didn’t come). Frustrated is what I ended up, especially since this was the first week of my vacation. I began to think back to what could have been the trigger. I had taken my one-year-old son for a beach day, the thought of going all alone, just he and I was adding a little fear and angst but no, that wasn’t it. Everyone kept asking, “what’s wrong” or how can I help. I would have loved to tell them, but I had no clue, this wasn’t the normal anxiety I had felt and typically all those coping skills would have kicked its butt. It was so bad that I didn’t even want to go to bible study, and I love Women’s Bible Study!

Maybe I needed a mommy break, so I sent the kid with his dad. I went and sat on my neighbor’s swing hoping that listening to the birds chirp and sitting in silence would do it. Pulling out all the big guns…. nothing still could not catch my breath, still anxious. Then came the text, “hey are you home, wanted to drop something off.” In my mind I wanted to lock myself in my house and run away from everyone. I did not feel well, I surely didn’t want company and to have to talk to someone through this pain and discomfort. We had tried two times prior to link up but our schedules didn’t connect. But I couldn’t say no, so I replied. “Sort of lol anxiety high so rocking on my neighbor’s porch. Instant regret, did I just let someone else know? I don’t want pitty! I don’t need anyone seeing me as a flawed LaVante’. Her reply, “Ok just going to stop by really fast to drop something off to you.”

As she pulled up, I had assumed she was dropping of a gift for my son, whom everyone spoils. (Thank you to everyone, we love it!) To my surprise it was a gift for me, a wonderful basket with yummy smelling lotion, body wash, a plant and a cup with words that described who I truly was, the person behind the current anxiety. A smile came across my face and heart. We then ensued on an almost 2-hour conversation. During the conversation of reflection and laughter with my friend my anxiety decreased, not totally but enough for me to catch some deep breaths. The Gift wasn’t just the physical present, but it was the much-needed time spent with my friend. She came at the perfect moment, the perfect time. I don’t know what placed it upon her heart to gift me (I will assume God) but I can never utter how special it was for me.

My anxiety continued into the next day, and I finally figured out what was needed…..SLEEP. I had been so engulfed in life, momming, entrepreneuring, that I totally ignored that I was only getting 5-6 hours of choppy sleep. Babbyy, this body is guaranteed to need 7-8 hours! As I type this I feel “goodt” had a massage today, thought of new ideas and as I type this I am on a date with myself! I don’t know what you may have taken away from reading this, but for me its gratitude.

Women's History Month & Mental Health

Wed, 09 Mar 2022 21:12:12 GMT

Sis! Pat yourself on the back!

During the month of March, women throughout history are being celebrated for their diversity, tenacity, encouragement, support, creative ideas, strength, resilience, and endless contributions to our society today. This month our agency is honored to highlight a true pioneer who has impacted and changed the history of mental health. Dorothea Dix played a major role in mental health reform in the 1800’s. Dorothea pioneered the reform of the treatment and living conditions of those who were mentally ill in the United States and “lobbied state legislatures and the U.S. Congress to enact some of the earliest American laws governing mental asylums and psychiatric care” (Markel, 2020).

Dorothea Dix was an author, teacher, social activist, and humanitarian who directed her efforts to improving how those with mental illnesses were being viewed and treated during this time (Britannica, 2021). Her efforts over the course of 2 decades through lobbying, protesting and advocacy resulted in the reform of mental health treatment. This made mental health treatment more humane and challenged states to provide adequate living conditions for patients as well. Dorothea also inspired 15 legislators across the United States and in Canada to create hospitals specifically for mentally ill individuals (Britannica, 2021). It didn’t take long before her persistent efforts eventually led to 32 mental health institutions being created within the United States alone (Britannica, 2021).

Dorothea Dix made major contributions to the mental health system in the 19 ^th century and her contributions forever changed how mentally ill patients are viewed and treated today. For Dorothea to accomplish so much during a time where woman didn’t even have equal rights, truly is a testament to how resilient, powerful, and innovative women are and have been since the beginning of time. Be reminded that women throughout history have accomplished so much and will continue to impact society in a major way. Take a moment during this month to celebrate what you or the women in your life have accomplished thus far and are working towards in the future. Happy Women’s History Month!

Looking to begin your mental health transformation? Text us today 302-607-1404 or visit us on the web, www.lavantedorsey.com

Cited Sources

Britannica, T. Editors of Encyclopedia (2021, July 13). Dorothea Dix. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/biography/Dorothea-Dix

Markel, H. (2020, April 4). Dorothea Dix’s tireless fight to end inhumane treatment for mental health patients. PBS NewsHour. Retrieved March 9, 2022, from https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/dorothea-dixs-tireless-fight-to-end-inhumane-treatment-for-mental-health-patients

Back to Basics

dorsey.lavante@gmail.com (LaVante' Dorsey) — Thu, 17 Feb 2022 14:02:04 GMT

Do You Need a Reset?

Wooooo! What a year, what a month, what a day! I don’t know about you, but there have been some days where I felt like throwing in the towel. With so much going on in the world let alone our own personal lives, now is a good time for a reset and look at your daily regimens and overall peace.

So I ask…do you have a daily ritual to get your morning started on a good foot? For me, aint nothing like waking up, cooking breakfast, straightening up, turning on my worship music and then getting in a 30-minute YouTube workout. You can’t tell me nothing after my morning begins that way, and don’t let me light a candle!

It may sound silly but imagine incorporating things that bring you the utmost peace into your day. Let us consider the alternative, barely rolling out of bed on time, rushing to get to work, barely eating, and jumping right into a possibly stress filled day. Heecckkkk no! I had someone tell me the other day, “I know life sucks.” Now wait a minute, life may have pretty sucky moments but we want you to have overall beautiful days, months and years!

Therefore, what do you need to do today to facilitate that. Grab a pen and paper! Make a list of at least 10 actions that bring you complete peace and joy. Next see how you can begin to incorporate them into your daily life. Message us and tell us how it is coming along after a week at ladorsey@lavantedorsey.com . Until next time, smile, and have a marvelous day on purpose!

Self Care September and Beyond.....

Wed, 22 Sep 2021 16:54:55 GMT

What Does Your Self Care Routine Look Like?

September is the beginning for many different aspects in our lives. The summertime is now over, the school year has just begun and many of our schedules are beginning to fill up again. While preparing for all of the events and activities this month, do not forget to plan to take care of yourself!

Self-care is a necessity and it is the necessity “to do things that are good for our physical, emotional or psychological well-being” (Cabotaje, 2021). There are multiple categories of self-care. The categories consist of emotional self-care, mental self-care, physical self-care, social self-care and spiritual self-care (Scott, 2021).

Activities that can be done to practice emotional self-care can include journaling or talking your feelings out with a loved one. Activities that can be done to practice mental self-care include reading or doing sudoku since they both stimulate your mind. Physical self-care consists of activities that help you to take care of your physical health such as playing a sport or working out.

Social self-care can consist of activities that can help strengthen your relationships such as spending time with the one’s you love or checking up on them.

Lastly, spiritual self-care consists of activities that include your religion or that help you feel more connected spiritually such as praying or reading a religious book. During the month of September, everyday spend at least twenty minutes of uninterrupted time to tend to yourself and your needs.

No matter how you choose to take care of yourself, make sure you set time aside to take care of you! Your body and your mind will thank you for it.

`Ms. Gabrielle Mills

LaVante’ N. Dorsey & Associates LLC Master of Social Work Intern

References

Cabotaje, A. (2021, February 4). What does self-care mean? Right as Rain by UW Medicine. Retrieved September 16, 2021, from https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/mental-health/self-care-meaning .

Scott, E. (2021, July 29). 5 self-care practices for every area of your life. Verywell Mind. Retrieved September 16, 2021, from https://www.verywellmind.com/self-care-strategies-overall-stress-reduction-3144729.

How To Be At Peace With Me!

Sat, 12 Sep 2020 20:45:00 GMT

Hey Goalfriends!

I came across this post on Instagram today and I had to share it with you all! This morning I was preparing to get back on my workout regiment and disclosed with my trainer about my desire to lose about 20 pounds. As some of you, I have gained some weight...some in the right places...some in the wrong places LOL! I just want to feel better about myself and boost my self-esteem. Then I read this post saying I need to be, with the words thinner , prettier , smarter , and better crossed out and focusing on the importance of being myself.

I paused.

There is NOTHING wrong with me. I have been so hard on myself and comparing my looks and lifestyles to others for far too long. To be honest losing the 20 pounds sounds good, but it isn't good for me. We always get caught up on what looks good on others and assume what works for them, will work for us. WRONG! It is very rare that people show the struggle of their beauty! Some people did not always have flawless skin, a nice body, a good career, nice things, etc. Their experiences and internal beliefs of themselves impacted how consistent they've become to change their habits.

But I want to create a how "TO BE AT PEACE WITH ME" challenge. I don't know about you about you, but one of the many things my mother told me was "Get your mind right, Momma" Before you focus on changing your behavior, you must change your mind.

Step1 : Set Positive Intentions in the Morning .

Step 2 : Say 3 Things You Love About Yourself

Step 3 : Implement positive self-talk throughout the day.

In order to look good and feel good, we have to be mentally good as well.

*Remember: There's beauty in the process NOT the finish line.*

Here's an affirmation I would like to share:

If you are ready to begin your therapeutic journey, contact us at 302-956-9188

Follow me at @TalkToTotiyana on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter

Hakeem Vs. Q: A 9 to 5 Man or Entrepreneur!

Mon, 24 Aug 2020 15:59:00 GMT

Hey Goalfriends!

How are ya'll doing? I am doing great especially since Netflix got ALL MY SHOWS coming back this summer and fall. I needed this when the pandemic first started but hey, I'll take my blessings as they come. I don't know about you, but binge watching Moesha made me feel like a kid again. You remember being up watching UPN at 8 o' clock sharp? My mom allowed me to watch the shows with her and then it was my bedtime. Man... I missed these Black family shows.

Enough about my obvious excitement. As I finished the series, within a week to be exact, it made me think of the recent conversations about dating a man that works 9 to 5 or dating an Entrepreneur. For those of you unfamiliar about the show, Moesha begins dating Q around season two. Q is your typical "bad boy" character from New York wearing camouflage, raps, and works as a Barber all while striving to make his mark in the music industry. Q's father owned a Barbershop and supported his son's vision. Q did not aspire to attend college nor trade school. Therefore, he was allowed to work/promote local artist as a Sophomore/Junior in high school. Q was frowned upon by Moesha's father, for a plethora of reasons, but one of the main issues was because he believed going to school secured your future not music. Later on Q's hard work paid off and was on tour with his group traveling all over the world which created a long-distant relationship for him and Moesha and created some challenges.

Next, we have Hakeem (my favorite character) who was raised by a single-mother, who was working three jobs to make ends meet. Hakeem worked hard and even took on a Manager role, their senior year in high school to help pay his way to college. Hakeem was very family-oriented and never lost sight of the bigger picture at hand. He was present, even when uninvited, to be a support system to Moesha and friends. Also, Hakeem and Moesha were best of friends that turned into lovers around season five. Hakeem was very affectionate, enjoyed intimacy, and good with communication until his jealousy got in the way.

So which one is better?

To be honest neither! I cringe watching videos of women bashing an entrepreneur or a 9 to 5 man or people judging others for their preferences. At the end of the day, it all comes down to preferences, right?

No! We should not judge nor date a person based on their occupation. Occupation is a fact and facts change everyday. However, the QUALITIES of someone is their truth and that is permanent. For example, younger me would have loved some Q (and by the way, I did love me some Q). He was ambitious, goal-oriented, hustled, and there was never a dull moment. However, his lifestyle had no stability for a relationship unless you were a "Go-Getter" as well and can handle "rainy days" of the entrepreneur world, which Moesha could not handle. Hakeem came with some emotional baggage such as being abandoned from father, living in poverty, and lack of family support. However, he was very resilient , loving, and very loyal. However, his fear of abandonment led him to lose Moesha.

To me, you can not knock a trying man and a mature man evolves. There are men that have a 9 to 5 and run their own business. There are some men with thriving careers as a 9 to 5 which affords them to have some luxuries, and yes, there are some great successful business owners. However, they each have their own flaws because they are both HUMAN. Moesha's relationships with both men were unsuccessful due to various reasons but their occupation was not it. I will be transparent for a moment, I fell in love with my spouse because of the qualities they possess. He started out as a 9 to 5 before running his business full-time. However, no matter which role he was in - the commitment to me stayed the same. Yes, the commitment to relationship and by me being true to my needs!

My love language is Words of Affirmation. Therefore, if you are like me the frequency of intimacy, quality time, and support plays a big role in the relationship. It can be difficult for either man to meet those needs based on occupation. Therefore, you look for the person that is willing to make a true CONSISTENT effort to speak to your love language. Sometimes when you select a person based on one attribute; you lost in a lot of other key qualities.

So ladies which is more important, the Occupation or the Quality? And no, the quality of the occupation is NOT an option...LOL! If you keep limiting yourself to one type of mate; you won't have one to date. So I hope you got a weighted blanket to keep you cozy at night!

Just kidding, but in all seriousness assess the qualities you look for in mate and be honest with yourself! Stop limiting yourself out of fear and missing out on being loved unconditionally cause they did not meet all your "boxes".

Until next time...

If you are ready to begin your therapeutic journey, please contact us at 302-956-9188!

In the meantime, feel free to follow me @talktototiyana on Instagram and Facebook for more gems!

Entanglement

Mon, 20 Jul 2020 18:56:00 GMT

Hey Goalfriends!

Earlier this month Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith were on Red Table Talk to discuss her "entanglement" with R&B Singer August Alsina. This discussion left the world, especially the Black Community, shocked because if "Black Love" had an image, it would be these two. Therefore, to see them almost called it quits after 23 years of marriage really illustrated that managing ANY relationship requires a lot of work.

Now this blog is not to discuss my personal nor professional opinion on the interview. However, I wanted to highlight how we too can get caught in our own entanglements and how to avoid them.

Will and Jada on previous interviews explained the key ingredient to their long-lasting marriage was communication. Their failure to be CONISTENT with the communication led their marriage down the wrong path. Now I'm not talking about the little basic style of communication like "How was your day? Baby it'll be okay! I am talking about those difficult conversations. Yes, the ones that can make you feel so numb that they leave you speechless and sometimes motionless. For example, "I am no longer happy in this relationship because..." So many relationships are failing because people only want to have "surface talk" the safe conversations that only hit the categories of family, finances, religion, career, etc. But when it is time to talk about feelings, all of a sudden it's too much work, you don't want to offend, and now you got yourself in an entanglement!

So how is it too much work when all you did was NOTHING?

You ever heard of the 80/20 rule? This is commonly used when discussing relationships, but to me it can be applied in all relationships. It simply means in relationships your partner or friend will only meet 80% of your needs. You may be asking well how do I get to 100%? Well, it comes from within. We get comfortable in our relationships, which is very dangerous place, and can lead to us resenting a loved one. Follow with me for a second, you have a desire to travel overseas, but your friends may not have that same desire nor the means to afford. You find another individual that loves to travel, you two book a trip, have a good time, and connected with one another. All of sudden, you start re-examining your immediate friend group and start saying "They not on my level" or "We must be growing apart."

Why are you willing to throw away 80% of your needs, for 20%? What about that friend who came in your time of need? What about the friend that no matter when ya'll talk you pick up right where you left off. We have to communicate and accept each person's role in our lives. Not everyone is meant to be cut. However, if you feel the need to have a conversation with someone try the tips below:

Now you may not be able to do all steps, but pick at least 3. Remember this is for any relationship! Entanglement means being in a COMPLICATED OR COMPROMISING relationship or situation. Too often we go too long being silent on our own happiness because of fear. Therefore, it leaves us vulnerable and into the arms of someone that can make us feel good temporarily like Halle Berry in Monster's Ball or end with the snotty nose like Viola Davis in Fences .

Each time we compromise our PEACE, we lose a PIECE of ourselves and give someone the power to put ourselves together.

So I ask, who you are you entangled with that is restricting your peace?

Until next time Goalfriends…

If you are ready to begin your therapeutic journey, please do not hesitate to give us a call at 302-956-9188.

Mirror Mirror

Tue, 07 Jul 2020 19:27:00 GMT

Hey Soul Tribe,

What do you think of when you hear mirror work?

You might think about it as it seems as obvious to be correcting our physical appearance in front of the mirror to beautify imperfections. But mirror work can be associated with beautifying your internal imperfections as well. You walk by the mirror several times a day but pay no attention to the image that is reflected back to you. In some cases, looking in the mirror is pure horror, even torture to those who explicitly look within the mirror to judge their flaws. Does this sound familiar: “Ugh, I wish my skin was tighter”, “I need to lose weight”, or “It doesn’t matter, no one is going to look at you.”

We have made mirrors an enemy when there is love on the other side of the reflection. Mirror work involves the practice of bringing forward the suppressed limiting beliefs that you have within yourself. How easy is it for you to say, “I Love myself”? You might quickly find that the statement has a much more powerful meaning when tasked to look within the mirror and say it yourself.

If the Mirror is My Enemy, How Can I Love it?

Simple, Mirror Work is about being honest with yourself and in order to truly love yourself, you must learn about your inner most triggers and beliefs and resolve the conflicts. The mirror is only an enemy that you created and project to, but you have the power to recreate the mirror into a friend. The world is full of billions of people, but you have to ensure that you are your number one cheerleader and you hold the power within. You have the power within you to transform how you see the reflection in the mirror and it be the most confident, healthy, and whole human being that you know.

Try it Out!

You will ultimately have a full dialogue with yourself about yourself on who you want your future self to be. Wow! Let’s break that down.

1. Stand in front of the mirror and pretend to be your future self.

2. Visualize and be in that feeling of being in that moment of time that you desire to be in.

3. If you desire to lose weight and fit into a certain size praise yourself and say “You look amazing after losing 10 pounds.”

4. Experience the feeling you want to feel when you reached your desired goal.

Do this a couple times a week and you will begin to see how you transform your inner dialog. But most importantly have FUN!

If you feel you need to dive deeper and begin your therapeutic journey into self-discovery and building self-esteem, give us a call at 302-956-9188.

The "Breadwinner" Friend

Fri, 26 Jun 2020 02:38:00 GMT

Hey Goalfriends!

Where are all of my Insecure Fans! And if you are not a fan, still come along for the ride!

As a fan and a Mental Health Therapist, this season gave me all the vibes I've been looking for in a show. From touching on Tiffany's Post-Partum Depression, to Issa and Lawrence being able to have that HONEST yet NEEDED post break-up conversation, then watching Issa grow and improve her self-esteem, to wanting to smack Molly. Oops! Did I say that? LOL.

Honestly as a fan, Molly needed to get cut. But as a therapist, I loved how they portrayed her character this season. We often talk about being a breadwinner in a relationship, especially from the women's perspective, but not about being the breadwinner amongst your circle of friends. We always hear “well if they can't afford to go, cut them off!” or that it’s their fault, which is true in some situations. But someone's socioeconomic status should not qualify nor disqualify them from being your friend or associate.

Molly was exhausted because she allowed herself to be drained with always being the “go to.” She realized, I am always there for Issa emotionally and financially yet she can not be there for me nor herself. In order to get her to be an emotional support, she had to pay for the food... LITERALLY! ,Therefore, when Issa was picking up the tab and advocating for herself, Molly did not know how to receive it because she felt the "ride will be over soon,” since this was not Issa's usual role.

Do you and your friends have roles that seem one sided?

Molly assumed Issa should know to reciprocate in the relationship, but failed to establish clear boundaries to instruct her on how to do this.

What do I mean? I tell my clients all the time, It's never too late to redefine any relationship, but you must do the following:

We have to stop cutting people off before we CONFRONT them!

Yes, Confront, Assess, then Cut, if needed. These two have significant history and have a bond like no other. We must always remember relationships are WORK! Every last one of them. Molly appeared to fight harder for Andrew, but this is because she loved the idea of being in a committed relationship. She failed to understand both parties are responsible for the relationship and you can not ask one to meet your needs without meeting theirs as well.

So the question is....Do you need to evaluate some relationships?

Until next time...

If you are ready to begin your therapeutic journey, please do not hesitate to give us a call at 302-956-9188.

We are ready to support you!

Mon, 04 May 2020 23:07:00 GMT

Social Distancing NOT Social Disconnection!

Thu, 26 Mar 2020 18:06:00 GMT

Hey Goalfriends!

How's Quarantine Day... you know what it really does not matter! Not saying the situation is not serious because after all this is a PANDEMIC. However, I want us to look at the positive. There's been so much adjustment, planning, and developing a "new normal" schedule that we have been unable to take a moment to breathe... So let's do it now!

Now that we got that out the way, let's think about it. Remember when you wished you had more time to call your grandma, check on your friends, do your laundry...Heck, do nothing! Well, my friend. You got time today and a few more days. Social distancing does not mean Social Disconnection. This is time to Review and Revamp. Therefore, when Quarantine is over you won't feel like you just got release from a 10-year jail sentence. Check out my new definition of COVID-19!

C - Connect with a friend, family member, or even your therapist :-)

O - Open your mind to new ideas

V - Value the quality time spent with loved ones, pets, or with yourself!

I - Invest in Yourself (workout, read a book, eat well)

D - Dance to the beat of your drum!

Oh, I was not going to leave out the number 19. Write down 19 things you are grateful for and/or 19 small goals you wish to achieve to end 2020 with bang! Listen, this year has been ROUGH, but we are going to make it!

If you are ready to begin your therapeutic journey during this time give us a call or text today at

302-956-9188

20 Affirmations for 2020!

Sun, 29 Dec 2019 00:02:00 GMT

A lot can happen in a year whether it's planned or unplanned; good or bad. No matter, what occurred we still survived! Therefore, It's so important for us to affirm ourselves as well as turn our lemons into lemonade!!

Here are 20 affirmations to help us re-center as we encounter new obstacles during our journey into 2020!

1. I will wonder, but not worry!

2. My fear will be my Fuel!

3. I don't want to be perfect, I want to be stable!

4. I am limitless because I don't know boundaries!

5. I am only accepting deposits, No Withdrawals

6. My past holds the seeds to my future. I will not lose them in the present.

7. I have everything I need to get started.

8. My body is work of art.

9. I am imperfectly me, but perfect to me!

10. I am the captain Now, Tomorrow, and Beyond!

11. I will live my truth.

12. I will believe and invest in myself.

13. I will identify and let go of toxic habits.

14. I will be careful on who or what I commit to.

15. I will follow through with the promises I made to myself.

16. I will admit when I need help and reach out to my support system.

17. I will continue to walk in my purpose.

18. I love me because there's only one of me.

19. I will not compare my life to others.

20. I am deserving of all my desires.

Bonus: I am vulnerable, but I am strong. I've made mistakes but they don't define me. I may not be where I want to be, but I will get there! I am not giving up on me!

Now that you remembered who you are, raise your glass of water, wine, or cider with a big smile and Cheer for New Year!

*If you are ready to begin your therapeutic journey in 2020 give us a call or text today!

302-956-9188!

Find Your Holiday Joy!

Wed, 18 Dec 2019 17:24:00 GMT

‘Tis the season to be jolly! Fa la la la la la la la la!!!!

Well, that’s how the song goes, but how do you really feel about the holiday season?

Is it really the most wonderful time of the year for you?

Do you decorate the house, car, and the dog?

Is it too overwhelming for you?

Do you even celebrate the holiday?

No matter the reasoning for celebrating or not is YOUR choice. Some fail to realize that the holiday season is not cheerful for everyone. Some have lost loved ones during this time and/or it’s their first or another holiday without that special someone. Others may get discouraged about entering another year without completing a major goal they’ve been trying to accomplish.

However, the common theme for everyone during this season is reflection. Think about it. There are memes, quotes, and dialogue all over social media that tells you to leave this, leave that in 2019 in order to flourish in 2020. But just because it is a positive message with good intent, doesn’t make it effective. We need the tools to properly prepare and deal with the feelings we’re experiencing during this time. Therefore as the holiday approaches implement the points listed below to help during this time:

1. Break and Create YOUR own Tradition

2. It is nobody’s business about YOUR plans!

3. If you plan on buying gifts, stay within YOUR budget!

4. Buy YOURself a gift that promotes self-care.

Moral of the story is don’t let anything steal your joy and the deck the halls YOUR way!

Do you have Holiday Depression?

Mon, 10 Dec 2018 00:29:00 GMT

Do you have Holiday Depression?

For many people, the Winter Holiday Season is the best time of year. Almost every commercial is focused on the “joy” of the season, hot chocolate, holiday gatherings, and cozy snow days. However, for a lot of individuals the holidays can be pretty rough. Perhaps you are experiencing lack of energy, sadness, changes in sleep patterns, and loss of interest in favorite activities. Maybe this was your loved ones favorite time of year and they are no longer with you. Perhaps the expectation to shop, give and spend time with family, isn’t a pleasant experience for you. Well, you are not alone, and there are some actions you can take to make the time enjoyable for you.

If You Are Missing a Loved One: Take the time to cry and miss them. If you and your loved one enjoyed sharing certain traditions, continue the tradition in memory of them. Also make others close to you aware of your feelings or reach out to a support group.

If The Commitments Are Too Much: I have already warned family that they will not be getting presents. If shopping is too much, if the budget is too tight, just say no.

Schedule Fun Tasks For You: Schedule time with people you would like to be around, treat yourself to a movie, head to the gym and stress relieve.

Things To Avoid: Avoid heavily drinking alcohol and overeating.

Getting Over the Guilt of Relaxing

Sun, 09 Sep 2018 18:42:00 GMT

I could not wait until the weekend of September 7th, mini vacation, just me and my love, not too far, right outside of Baltimore. Perhaps visit the harbor, eat some tasty food, catch a movie, visit the mall, go bowling, or do absolutely nothing! The options were endless. We both work 50 plus hours per week, we both failed to vacate during the summer, not even a beach trip. We arrived to our hotel, I loved the décor, the perfect setting to relax…….or so I thought. Quickly the list of all the things I could be doing, unsent emails, sending out reminder texts, configuring my next business move, catching up on my scriptures. My mind told me, “Excuse me? Relax? No! This just freed up some time to do work!”

We all work hard, we all have dreams we are pursuing, we also may have children to care for, chores to complete, tasks that have been on the back burner for weeks that need our attention. But what about when your body says, wait lets take a moment and breathe, a moment to clear our thoughts, a moment to just be, free and relaxed. We all too often fail to cease this moment. We feel guilty at times for doing nothing. Now I am not saying these moments should happen everyday, but at least when your mind and body says it needs it.

The gift is in understanding that when taking this break, and capturing this moment to refuel, the great ideas flow even more! In my case I was able to hear from God loud and clear, even able to execute this blog post. So what did I do? Just for an hour or two, I turned off my cell phone, I sat and stared out the window into the woods (even saw 3 deer and a white bird). I took a nice relaxing hot shower, I was free, I was clear, I was at peace.

Although I would pray that you could have these moments daily, that may not be possible. But what if you found a way to “steal” these moments. What if you woke up a little early to enjoy a calm peaceful (non-rushing) shower, or woke up a little early to read your word or brainstorm some ideas before everyone else arose. Perhaps instead of ending the night with your favorite show, you dedicate the whole household to be silent, thinking, relaxing and at peace.

I am on my way back to Delaware, feeling refreshed and ready to continue discovering my purpose. Along with assisting others towards gaining endless success, joy, peace, and happiness.

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