I really didn’t know what was going on, my chest was tight, I could not catch my breath, I was gasping for air, yearning to just take a deep breath. Yeah, I said it! Yearning! Well wait, I was very aware of what was going on as this was not the first time. Anxiety! Today it was kicking my butt. It did not have to do me like that! Usually, I am a pro at multi-tasking and tackling my to do list, the anxiety was so bad I hated when a new email or text came. You see these anxiety attacks as I will call them came about in my grown woman years. Usually, I would sit and take the time to dump my brain and really figure out what was bothering me, stressing me, running around my mind. Today, and the next two days it would not let up even with my best coping skills. I listened to music, watched my favorite shows, drank water, made a list of tasks to do, cleaned, laughed, tried to cry (the tears didn’t come). Frustrated is what I ended up, especially since this was the first week of my vacation. I began to think back to what could have been the trigger. I had taken my one-year-old son for a beach day, the thought of going all alone, just he and I was adding a little fear and angst but no, that wasn’t it. Everyone kept asking, “what’s wrong” or how can I help. I would have loved to tell them, but I had no clue, this wasn’t the normal anxiety I had felt and typically all those coping skills would have kicked its butt. It was so bad that I didn’t even want to go to bible study, and I love Women’s Bible Study!

Maybe I needed a mommy break, so I sent the kid with his dad. I went and sat on my neighbor’s swing hoping that listening to the birds chirp and sitting in silence would do it. Pulling out all the big guns…. nothing still could not catch my breath, still anxious. Then came the text, “hey are you home, wanted to drop something off.” In my mind I wanted to lock myself in my house and run away from everyone. I did not feel well, I surely didn’t want company and to have to talk to someone through this pain and discomfort. We had tried two times prior to link up but our schedules didn’t connect. But I couldn’t say no, so I replied. “Sort of lol anxiety high so rocking on my neighbor’s porch. Instant regret, did I just let someone else know? I don’t want pitty! I don’t need anyone seeing me as a flawed LaVante’. Her reply, “Ok just going to stop by really fast to drop something off to you.”

As she pulled up, I had assumed she was dropping of a gift for my son, whom everyone spoils. (Thank you to everyone, we love it!) To my surprise it was a gift for me, a wonderful basket with yummy smelling lotion, body wash, a plant and a cup with words that described who I truly was, the person behind the current anxiety. A smile came across my face and heart. We then ensued on an almost 2-hour conversation. During the conversation of reflection and laughter with my friend my anxiety decreased, not totally but enough for me to catch some deep breaths. The Gift wasn’t just the physical present, but it was the much-needed time spent with my friend. She came at the perfect moment, the perfect time. I don’t know what placed it upon her heart to gift me (I will assume God) but I can never utter how special it was for me.

My anxiety continued into the next day, and I finally figured out what was needed…..SLEEP. I had been so engulfed in life, momming, entrepreneuring, that I totally ignored that I was only getting 5-6 hours of choppy sleep. Babbyy, this body is guaranteed to need 7-8 hours! As I type this I feel “goodt” had a massage today, thought of new ideas and as I type this I am on a date with myself! I don’t know what you may have taken away from reading this, but for me its gratitude.