Hey Goalfriends!

How are ya'll doing? I am doing great especially since Netflix got ALL MY SHOWS coming back this summer and fall. I needed this when the pandemic first started but hey, I'll take my blessings as they come. I don't know about you, but binge watching Moesha made me feel like a kid again. You remember being up watching UPN at 8 o' clock sharp? My mom allowed me to watch the shows with her and then it was my bedtime. Man... I missed these Black family shows.

Enough about my obvious excitement. As I finished the series, within a week to be exact, it made me think of the recent conversations about dating a man that works 9 to 5 or dating an Entrepreneur. For those of you unfamiliar about the show, Moesha begins dating Q around season two. Q is your typical "bad boy" character from New York wearing camouflage, raps, and works as a Barber all while striving to make his mark in the music industry. Q's father owned a Barbershop and supported his son's vision. Q did not aspire to attend college nor trade school. Therefore, he was allowed to work/promote local artist as a Sophomore/Junior in high school. Q was frowned upon by Moesha's father, for a plethora of reasons, but one of the main issues was because he believed going to school secured your future not music. Later on Q's hard work paid off and was on tour with his group traveling all over the world which created a long-distant relationship for him and Moesha and created some challenges.

Next, we have Hakeem (my favorite character) who was raised by a single-mother, who was working three jobs to make ends meet. Hakeem worked hard and even took on a Manager role, their senior year in high school to help pay his way to college. Hakeem was very family-oriented and never lost sight of the bigger picture at hand. He was present, even when uninvited, to be a support system to Moesha and friends. Also, Hakeem and Moesha were best of friends that turned into lovers around season five. Hakeem was very affectionate, enjoyed intimacy, and good with communication until his jealousy got in the way.

So which one is better?

To be honest neither! I cringe watching videos of women bashing an entrepreneur or a 9 to 5 man or people judging others for their preferences. At the end of the day, it all comes down to preferences, right?

No! We should not judge nor date a person based on their occupation. Occupation is a fact and facts change everyday. However, the QUALITIES of someone is their truth and that is permanent. For example, younger me would have loved some Q (and by the way, I did love me some Q). He was ambitious, goal-oriented, hustled, and there was never a dull moment. However, his lifestyle had no stability for a relationship unless you were a "Go-Getter" as well and can handle "rainy days" of the entrepreneur world, which Moesha could not handle. Hakeem came with some emotional baggage such as being abandoned from father, living in poverty, and lack of family support. However, he was very resilient , loving, and very loyal. However, his fear of abandonment led him to lose Moesha.

To me, you can not knock a trying man and a mature man evolves. There are men that have a 9 to 5 and run their own business. There are some men with thriving careers as a 9 to 5 which affords them to have some luxuries, and yes, there are some great successful business owners. However, they each have their own flaws because they are both HUMAN. Moesha's relationships with both men were unsuccessful due to various reasons but their occupation was not it. I will be transparent for a moment, I fell in love with my spouse because of the qualities they possess. He started out as a 9 to 5 before running his business full-time. However, no matter which role he was in - the commitment to me stayed the same. Yes, the commitment to relationship and by me being true to my needs!

My love language is Words of Affirmation. Therefore, if you are like me the frequency of intimacy, quality time, and support plays a big role in the relationship. It can be difficult for either man to meet those needs based on occupation. Therefore, you look for the person that is willing to make a true CONSISTENT effort to speak to your love language. Sometimes when you select a person based on one attribute; you lost in a lot of other key qualities.

So ladies which is more important, the Occupation or the Quality? And no, the quality of the occupation is NOT an option...LOL! If you keep limiting yourself to one type of mate; you won't have one to date. So I hope you got a weighted blanket to keep you cozy at night!

Just kidding, but in all seriousness assess the qualities you look for in mate and be honest with yourself! Stop limiting yourself out of fear and missing out on being loved unconditionally cause they did not meet all your "boxes".

Until next time...

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