Hey Goalfriends!

Earlier this month Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith were on Red Table Talk to discuss her "entanglement" with R&B Singer August Alsina. This discussion left the world, especially the Black Community, shocked because if "Black Love" had an image, it would be these two. Therefore, to see them almost called it quits after 23 years of marriage really illustrated that managing ANY relationship requires a lot of work.

Now this blog is not to discuss my personal nor professional opinion on the interview. However, I wanted to highlight how we too can get caught in our own entanglements and how to avoid them.

Will and Jada on previous interviews explained the key ingredient to their long-lasting marriage was communication. Their failure to be CONISTENT with the communication led their marriage down the wrong path. Now I'm not talking about the little basic style of communication like "How was your day? Baby it'll be okay! I am talking about those difficult conversations. Yes, the ones that can make you feel so numb that they leave you speechless and sometimes motionless. For example, "I am no longer happy in this relationship because..." So many relationships are failing because people only want to have "surface talk" the safe conversations that only hit the categories of family, finances, religion, career, etc. But when it is time to talk about feelings, all of a sudden it's too much work, you don't want to offend, and now you got yourself in an entanglement!

So how is it too much work when all you did was NOTHING?

You ever heard of the 80/20 rule? This is commonly used when discussing relationships, but to me it can be applied in all relationships. It simply means in relationships your partner or friend will only meet 80% of your needs. You may be asking well how do I get to 100%? Well, it comes from within. We get comfortable in our relationships, which is very dangerous place, and can lead to us resenting a loved one. Follow with me for a second, you have a desire to travel overseas, but your friends may not have that same desire nor the means to afford. You find another individual that loves to travel, you two book a trip, have a good time, and connected with one another. All of sudden, you start re-examining your immediate friend group and start saying "They not on my level" or "We must be growing apart."

Why are you willing to throw away 80% of your needs, for 20%? What about that friend who came in your time of need? What about the friend that no matter when ya'll talk you pick up right where you left off. We have to communicate and accept each person's role in our lives. Not everyone is meant to be cut. However, if you feel the need to have a conversation with someone try the tips below:

Now you may not be able to do all steps, but pick at least 3. Remember this is for any relationship! Entanglement means being in a COMPLICATED OR COMPROMISING relationship or situation. Too often we go too long being silent on our own happiness because of fear. Therefore, it leaves us vulnerable and into the arms of someone that can make us feel good temporarily like Halle Berry in Monster's Ball or end with the snotty nose like Viola Davis in Fences.

Each time we compromise our PEACE, we lose a PIECE of ourselves and give someone the power to put ourselves together.

So I ask, who you are you entangled with that is restricting your peace?

Until next time Goalfriends…

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