I Had to Give Myself Permission to Live the Life I Was Working So Hard to Build
How Women Can Break Free From Overwhelm, People-Pleasing, Mom Guilt, and the Pressure to Be Everything to Everyone
There was a version of me who believed being a good woman meant showing up.
Show up for your family.
Show up for your child.
Show up for your clients.
Show up for your business.
Show up when someone calls.
Show up when you're tired.
And because I could handle a lot, I did.
The problem with being the woman who can handle everything is that eventually everyone believes you can—including you.
And somewhere along the way, I had to confront a difficult question:
When does being dependable become abandoning yourself?
I could tell you how many clients I served. I could tell you about the business I built. I could count accomplishments, opportunities and goals.
But there was another number I needed to start paying attention to:
How much of me was actually left for me?
That question followed me into motherhood.
I love being a mother. But I had to challenge the idea that loving my child meant slowly eliminating myself from the equation.
I don't want my child to grow up only knowing me as Mom.
I want him to know that his mother had dreams. She had friends. She laughed. She traveled. She rested. She built things. She changed her mind. She had boundaries. She took care of people—and she learned to take care of herself too.
I had to give myself permission to believe that a fulfilled woman can still be a phenomenal mother.
I had to learn something similar in relationships.
When you've been hurt, protecting yourself can start looking like questioning everything.
You think, If I pay close enough attention, maybe I'll never be blindsided again.
But eventually I had to recognize that peace cannot come from successfully predicting every possible way something could go wrong.
I needed a different kind of safety.
The safety of trusting myself.
I can pay attention without living on alert.
I can love someone without abandoning myself.
I can trust today's evidence without pretending yesterday's pain never happened.
And if life disappoints me again, I trust the woman I have become to take care of me.
Maybe that's what so much of healing has been for me:
Permission.
Permission to say no.
Permission to rest.
Permission to have fun.
Permission to be more than somebody's mother.
Permission to stop explaining a boundary.
Permission to enjoy what is going right without waiting for something to go wrong.
Permission to be successful without being exhausted.
Permission to choose peace even when other people don't understand the choice.
And maybe you need that permission too.
You don't necessarily need an entirely different life.
You may need permission to finally take up space in the life you already have.
Maybe as you read this, you recognized yourself.
Maybe you’ve become so good at being the mother, partner, professional, friend, daughter, leader, or strong one that you’re no longer sure where you fit into your own life.
You don’t have to wait until you’re falling apart to make yourself a priority.
At LaVante’ N. Dorsey & Assoc., we help women slow down long enough to understand the beliefs, experiences, and patterns that have taught them to put themselves last—and begin creating a different way of living.
One where you can love people
without losing yourself.
Be successful
without living in survival mode.
Set boundaries
without drowning in guilt.
Trust again
without abandoning your discernment.
And be a mother, partner, professional, or caregiver
without those roles becoming your entire identity.
Maybe the next permission you give yourself is permission to get support.
If you’re ready to start making room for yourself in your own life, schedule a therapy consultation with LaVante’ N. Dorsey & Assoc. today.
You’ve spent enough time showing up for everyone else. We’re here to help you learn how to show up for you, too.
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